Nate Berkus Lost His Photographer Boyfriend in 2004 Tsunami and Is Now Curating a Show of His Work (Exclusive)

Nate Berkus' life changed forever on Dec. 26, 2004.

The interior designer and HGTV star survived the Boxing Day tsunami that devastated at least 12 countries across Asia, but his then-boyfriend, photographer Fernando Bengoechea, did not. Bengoechea's body was never found, and now, 20 years after the disaster, Berkus has partnered with Bengoechea's brother, Marcelo, to honor Bengoechea's memory with a new exhibition of his art.

"This show was really hard for me to curate and really hard for me to be a part of, to be honest. It brought up so much, but I'm really grateful to Marcelo for asking me to pursue this," Berkus tells PEOPLE exclusively in this week's issue.

"Woven Together: Reflections" is on display at the Cristina Grajales Gallery in New York City through the end of January, but Berkus says that opening night was really the most impactful moment for him.

"I'm standing in a room largely of people who were impacted by Fernando and his talent and his memory and his legacy, but also people who had never heard his name before, and I think that that was the point," says Berkus. "I think that's why it was so important to Marcelo. I think it was why Cristina Grajales, who's arguably one of the top gallerists in New York City and a really great person, and Wendy Goodman, who knew Fernando when he was young, I think it's why the four of us came together."

For more on Nate Berkus's account of the 2004 tsunami and other survivor stories, pick up this week's issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, orsubscribe.

The exhibition featured Bengoechea's work as well as some of his possessions that Berkus had held onto over the years — everything from a table he owned to pottery he collected, and even little envelopes Bengoechea used to file all of his business cards and receipts from all his trips in so that, "if he wanted to know where he had the best dim sum in Shanghai, he could always get -

After Being Buried for Hours in 2004 Tsu,...

back to it," says Berkus.

Bengoechea's memory is evident in other areas of Berkus' life, too. When Berkus' son was born, it was his husband, fellow designer Jeremiah Brent, who suggested they give the baby Bengoechea's middle name, Oskar (the couple, who have been married since 2014, also share daughter Poppy, 9).

"I knew that the best way I could honor him and everything that he stood for was to continue living my life. It would be a waste for me and such a dishonor of everything he stood for, for me to just stop moving, stop learning, stop seeing, stop accepting beauty, love, song, connection, creativity, all the things that bring us together as people," says Berkus of how he was able to move forward.

Still, revisiting old wounds in such an intimate way wasn't easy, and Berkus does wonder what Bengoechea might think of his legacy if he could see the gallery now.

"There's many different sides to every situation like that. Marcelo's primary focus is making sure that Fernando's art continues. And I think that there's obviously an enormous amount of beauty in that," says Berkus. "I think if anyone carries more of the weight of his loss, it would be Marcelo, but I don't know how Fernando would feel."

On the website for "Woven Together: Reflections" is a message from Marcelo that reads in part: "I’ve come to accept my brother’s death, but I refuse to let his art die with him. It took me 15 years to reach that conclusion, and since then, I’ve been dedicated to keeping Fernando’s art alive."

"What began as a deeply personal attempt to stay close to my brother quickly turned into a full-time mission, made possible by the incredible support of people like Nate Berkus and Wendy Goodman," he adds. "Inspired by Fernando, I’ve learned that beauty can rise from tragedy and that we are all Woven Together through love and art."

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